Memories
by TelevisionSlave
Summary: It's 2:47 in the morning and Castle is still awake, a glass of whiskey in his hand. Oneshot.


The soft pitter patter of rain hitting the roof could be heard throughout the house, causing a calming and peaceful noise. I closed my eyes for a moment, doing my best to focus on only that sound. A feeling of serenity washed over me for a second, making me forget everything that had happened. But, unfortunately, the feeling was gone almost as soon as it had come.

It was now replaced with the familiar ache of emptiness I had been experiencing all night. I opened my eyes and sighed, running my fingers through my hair.

Glancing over at the clock, I saw that it was 2:47 AM. Oh joy. Alexis had long since gone to bed, considering it was a school night. Mother was at her boyfriend's house. What was his name? I couldn't remember. Not like it mattered.

The room was surrounded with darkness; I hadn't bothered to turn on any lights. Sitting on the couch, a glass of whiskey was lazily resting in my hand. It was almost empty, and I took a sip. Then another. And another. All gone now.

After a few long moments of contemplating, I stood up and made my way over to the kitchen. An open bottle of whiskey was sitting on the counter, waiting for my return.

Quickly pouring myself another glass, I went over and sat back down on the couch. I brought the glass up to my mouth, and then took a long gulp of the drink. The alcohol burned as it went down my throat, but it was a good kind of burn. It almost washed away all the memories of _her_.

Almost.

I looked over at the clock again. 2:53. Six minutes had passed, how lovely.

Another swig of whiskey, my eyes shut with my head resting against the back of the couch. Despite how much I wanted to forget, memories of her came back to me. Her smile. Her laugh. Her kiss. Her touch.

It was painful to think about, almost too much to bear.

I took another sip of whiskey, letting my mind slowly drift away from the unpleasant memories. But after a few minutes, my thoughts rounded back to her. They always did, no matter how hard I tried not too think about it. Everything I seemed to do ended up linking back to her.

Why was everything such a mess now? Why was she gone? I couldn't answer.

Getting up from the couch, I walked over to my office. Maybe writing would help distract me. I sat down and pulled out my laptop, then started to work.

But after a few minutes I realized it was hopeless. I had been absently typing, and when I re-read what I wrote, I realized that it wasn't any good. Great.

I put the computer away, then stumbled over to the couch and sat down. With a sip of my drink, I started to ask myself even more questions. Was she still awake? Was she thinking of me? Did she even care? My grip on the glass tightened, and I was forced to relax my hand in fear of breaking the glass. I took another sip of the whiskey.

Maybe I can drown out all the thoughts about her with alcohol. Maybe I can get so drunk that I won't care.

Maybe.

But probably not. My mind was clouded with her. She was everywhere.

I wish that I didn't care. I wish that it didn't matter. I wish that she was just another co-worker. I wish that I never met her. No, wait, I take that back. Even if it only ended in pain, I'll never regret knowing her. I'll always be grateful to have gotten to spend many joy-filled months with her.

And...And I'm glad that she might finally be happy. Without me, but that's okay. In the end her happiness is all that really matters.

I took a sip of the whiskey and pondered. _Was_ she happy now? I mean, truly happy? She could say she's happy, but that doesn't mean it's true. She seemed pretty happy when she was with me, so why did she leave? Maybe I had misinterpreted her emotions. Maybe she was unhappy, but chose to just hide behind a smile.

But I could normally tell these things, and she seemed genuinely content. Oh well, maybe I was just too dense to see it. Maybe I fell for the stupid romantic fairytale.

But still, why did she leave?

The months we were together were great. Holding her hand at the mall, making love at night. It all seemed perfect. I wanted to marry her. I loved her, I still lover her. But she's gone, and I'm all alone. A lonely man, sitting in a dark room, trying to drink away his problems.

I'm pathetic.

I should be doing something productive. Something that would help me get over her.

But I'll never get over her. The memories we shared, good and bad, will be permanently stitched into my brain forever. They will always stay with me, whether I want them too or not.

God, why did she have to leave? Why did she say it would never work out? We could have made it work. If only I had tried harder.

Did she love me? Had she _ever_ loved me? I took a long, hard gulp of the whiskey, closing my eyes.

After what could have been a few seconds or a few minutes, I opened my eyes and said her name. "Kate." I was surprised my voice still worked, I hadn't spoken once all night. The sound of her name bounced across the walls, echoing back to me.

With one more sip of my drink, I realized the glass was now empty. Standing up, I walked back into the kitchen. I started to put everything back in its place, no more whiskey for me tonight. After I was finished, I looked over at the clock again. 3:02. Guess it was time for bed.

I walked up the stairs and down the hall, veering into my room. It felt like all the energy had been drained out my body, leaving me tired and depressed.

Getting in my bed and crawling under the sheets, I shut my eyes tight, hearing the sound of rain. I prayed for sleep, but I knew it wouldn't come tonight.

Thoughts of her would keep me awake.

* * *

I'm not really sure if this is any good or not, I just typed it up quickly. It's been a while since I wrote anything, so I'm probably a bit rusty. Enjoy.

-TelevisionSlave.


End file.
